JeffreyAtW: No, I don't really enjoy my life the way it is, but I don't really see how it could be much better.
JeffreyAtW: Everything I do is by choice and my choices have led me here. I don't see what could really improve my view of life and mortality in general.
JeffreyAtW: I already realize that life is worth living because there are people who I care about and people who care about me
JeffreyAtW: Sure, I find enjoyable things to do with my time
Almasy Marquis: FFXI =P
JeffreyAtW: I guess that overall I'm disappointed and bored, and I wish there was more to do. Maybe pursuing a more active, diverse lifestyle could change this.
JeffreyAtW: Like, going out and doing more adventurous things, more physical things... I don't know if that's really within my reach at this time.
JeffreyAtW: Maybe I just need to find a girlfriend.
JeffreyAtW: A girlfriend would do a few things
JeffreyAtW: Mentally numb me
JeffreyAtW: That is, I would care for her so much that I'd spend a lot less time thinking about myself
JeffreyAtW: And I'd get rather caught up and in a state of nigh-euphoria where I "love life," etc.
JeffreyAtW: That would be really great.
JeffreyAtW: And of course, there are other things to attend to. I miss hugs and just being close to someone.
JeffreyAtW: The thing that turns me off about having a girlfriend is that people feel as if they have to be emotionally and intellectually closer to them than other people -
JeffreyAtW: That is, they'd share only the deepest, darkest secrets with their significant others... that is...
JeffreyAtW: Until they break up and feel totally shattered over spilling one's life aspirations out to someone else.
JeffreyAtW: So that's why I'm very open to many people. I don't like to hold things in.
JeffreyAtW: Besides, I've even TRIED doing this with previous girlfriends of mine and they really don't care, or they don't understand.
Almasy Marquis: That's one main reason I've never really looked for a significant other
JeffreyAtW: I have found myself semi-"shattered" before, because I devoted so much time and attention to girlfriends in the past
JeffreyAtW: And then they're like let's be friends okay here's some other guy *fuckfuckfuckfuck*
JeffreyAtW: So yeah, you could say I'm disenchanted.
Almasy Marquis: I wish I had some kind of helpful, 'well, do this' thing since I like being helpful but nothing really specific springs to mind.
JeffreyAtW: I don't want help. I've come to accept this and I don't think anyone could really "change my mind" from what I see as the evident truth.
JeffreyAtW: Obviously another relationship could come along that could end up with different results. And maybe I SHOULD fuel some effort toward doing something like that
Almasy Marquis: Well, it's the truth as it is now, but thinking that there's no real way to significantly improve the enjoyment of your life through ways that aren't superficial is stupid
Almasy Marquis: Maybe a relationship, maybe even just some other personal long-term project,\
JeffreyAtW: Yeah, exactly.
JeffreyAtW: The thing is, I really have no problem with personal superficiality
JeffreyAtW: I just have to achieve superficiality through some means of enjoyable, wholesome activity
JeffreyAtW: Something that will simply keep my mind off boredom and death.
Almasy Marquis: I guess that's why I feel the need to poke and prod at you about it, then. It doesn't seem right that one so self-aware and reasonably intelligent as yourself should be as complacent as that.
JeffreyAtW: Yeah. All I'm really doing is feeling sorry for myself because I'm not doing anything to change my lifestyle.
JeffreyAtW: But the observations I make about life and its meaning are totally true.
JeffreyAtW: The more I want people and the more I feel wanted, the more reason there is for me to live.
JeffreyAtW: So I should seek that out - the more ties I make, the better my life will be.