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06 July 2004 @ 01:04 pm
My big ol' problem is the fact that I excel at nothing, but am skilled in many, many things. I'm a jack of all trades. But - pardon the analogy, I'm slowly working myself off of FFXI - I'm like a new player to an MMORPG; I like doing a whole bunch of different activities, but sooner or later, I need to settle down and decide my battle position.

Even my portfolio shows that I haven't really decided on anything. All of the work I showcase in its four sections definitely shows I have talent, but NOT ENOUGH to show that I actually specialize in something.

Here's where I put myself down because I KNOW that there are those better than me:

My website designs are often unoriginal and quite simplistic. Of course, I've never been given the opportunity to create a very large site with a good number of sections, so I've put what I've given to use... but still, I lack a good amount of knowledge in design and artistic value and my sites end up looking unappealing one way or another.

My Flash videos don't demonstrate a great knowledge of animation, they don't show that I know how to program well in ActionScript, and the actual interfaces I HAVE designed lack professionalism. Take a look at any other flash intro on some corporate site, then look at the stuff I've done. Sure, it's an unfair comparison because the people who do those make a living off it and I'm just some kid, but... dude, this is what I'm talking about. I WANT to make a living off something like this.

My comics? Don't get me started. I cannot draw. I've got perfect grammar, but since when did that ever matter? Just because I dot my t's and cross my i's does not mean that I know how to WRITE. What's more, I'm horrible with deadlines and jokes just don't come to me anymore. I don't really know how I ever pulled CAR off. But even then, it was very simplistic and not something I'm too proud of, aesthetically.

My music is comprised of OTHER PEOPLES' WORK and my own 1-minute MIDIs. Come on, that's nowhere close to professional. I can't make anything more than MIDIs.

So yes, I demonstrate skill in all these areas. I could compose a song or design a website if someone asked me. But it's not good enough - I want to be a professional in ONE of these categories, NOT a jack of all trades, and a quite mediocre one at that!

To top it all off, I'm barely ever in the mood to create anything. Once I get a really great idea, I sit down, start off on it, get EXTREMELY bored, go play a game, and forget about it, or look back and think it was a stupid idea. So my laziness factor definitely does not aid my creativity.

I'm not only writing this to vent. I would like some suggestions. But I don't want anything like "wat r u talking about CAR was so funny y did u stop it." This isn't a pity session, this is an IMPROVEMENT session. Tell me what you think I should do with these skills and whether I should focus on a certain one, and I might just counter your statement with even more self-deprecation. Try it, it's fun!
Asyasimplycynical on July 6th, 2004 01:28 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's exactly how I feel about myself, except that I'm not even remotely as apt as you in any area. It's like this: I'm good in all subjects in school, but I'm not exceptionally specialized in any one. I've been trying to come up with a solution and there is really only one: take one (I suggest website design) and run off with it. Do the rest for pure enjoyment, but this one for improvement AND enjoyment. Great deal, eh? There's probably many flaws but I'm just blind to them.

Jeffrey Carl Fadenjeffreyatw on July 6th, 2004 02:00 pm (UTC)
Right now I'm on music, or at least in college, I'm looking into studying music. Above design, drawing, or other more digital things, I feel that I have a natural good ear and sense of pitch.

Whether this will really aid me in any future career, I'm pretty doubtful. I don't know if I should really choose to go into a musical field, then. If I don't see myself making any money out of it, I don't think I should get professional training for it, and just keep it as a side thing. But the same goes for all my genuine interests... they're all in the arts and media.

But hey, what I'm talking about is becoming so professional in one field that I CAN make money out of it. So maybe I AM on the right track by sticking to music... arg, who knows. I just don't think I've totally decided on one yet (which is probably what I'll have to do sooner or later).

Confused and disjointed, pardon me.
名探偵諸龍azhp on July 6th, 2004 01:32 pm (UTC)
I'd recommend an editor of some kind. Movie, preferably, with the skills listed...musical, visual and a large vocabulary/good grammar would help a lot in that field, plus the flash experience helps with that field (movie editing is kinda complicated if you get into it).

Well, that's my two cents.
Jeffrey Carl Fadenjeffreyatw on July 6th, 2004 01:53 pm (UTC)
That does sound good. If I feel skilled in a few areas, it'd be very fun to put all of those areas to use, while making a living. I've tried focusing on digital media as a whole before, but it's always so intertwined with film... yeah, it's something I'd definitely need to sort out, but an "editor" position, no matter what sort of media I'm talking about, might fit my interests.
名探偵諸龍azhp on July 6th, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC)
Yeah, film editing is the coolest thing, and the sense of accomplishment after putting something together that actually makes sense (and hopefully that people like) is just too cool. And at least if it doesn't make sense, you can try to make it look cool. (Me and Joey made the introduction to our school's news channel using the last 30 seconds of V, it made absolutely no sense but it looked damn cool synced to the music. Then they changed the music because people hated hearing it every day and it made absolutely no sense.)

Makoto used to be a tv show editor, I believe, until every single one of her shows was cancelled simultaneously,so you might wanna ask her about that...
haleyhome_grownhalo on July 6th, 2004 01:52 pm (UTC)
i'd just pick something. if that doesn't work, pick something else -- just pick better that time.
Jeffrey Carl Fadenjeffreyatw on July 6th, 2004 01:54 pm (UTC)
I've been picking things for many years, to no avail.
(Anonymous) on July 6th, 2004 06:05 pm (UTC)
I feel kinda of strange posting in your livejournal to such a personal entry... and I don't know you. But I feel like I could give you my opinion. I say choose what you are passionate about. What you need, what you love, what you thrive on. If someone took away all of your talents, what one would you be lost without? Pursue your passion, dude. Without passion, you got nothing.

Not to be silly but I really meant it when I said your art rocked. Have a little faith in yourself. :)

Sincerely - Girl who asked about nakedness (my name is Caitlin btw)
Jeffrey Carl Fadenjeffreyatw on July 6th, 2004 08:45 pm (UTC)
The problem is, I can't choose my passion. I've got, like, four of them. And I don't really like any more than any of the others. That's what I'm talking about. My decision is key.

Thanks for posting, though. Have a fun naked time if you end up at UCSC. :P
hellokaorihellokaori on July 6th, 2004 07:23 pm (UTC)
Jeffrey Carl Fadenjeffreyatw on July 6th, 2004 08:46 pm (UTC)
Supar? more like... suBpar D:
80sGuy80sguy on July 7th, 2004 12:26 am (UTC)
Speaking of the future money issue with you, how's your job hunt so far this summer? Any word from Macy's? Oh yeah, and HOLY CRAP I NEED TO UPDATE MY LIVE JOURNAL!
Jeffrey Carl Fadenjeffreyatw on July 7th, 2004 10:07 am (UTC)
Word from Trader Joe's. I've got orientation there today, and I'll be doing a part-time night-shift deal. I think.

seth_xseth_x on July 7th, 2004 12:17 pm (UTC)
Hey, I agree that you should be pro in one area, but you shouldnt focus too much on one area. If you do pick one area to be your best at, try to pick another to have as back up in case you cant make a living off of the first area. Being pro. is good, but you also need to be able to recover if there are a lot of people that specialize in your area and you cant get work.